Sanity amidst chaos!

I return to blogsphere with much to talk about and with changed perceptions, of course someone as fickle minded as me is bound to have a different perception every day but the past two months have passed henceforth-

The hectic month included a no-so-heart-breaking break-up, a growing proximity to work, an increasing remoteness to friends, a new found aversion to food and socialising and a body that has failed me at crucial moments. Not one of my usual cranky rants this, just an account of the astonishingly mundane routine I have settled into.

Waking up to an empty house with no breakfast in bed might be complaints only the pampered are allowed to make, but not something I particularly like myself. Then again waking up to the reflection of my vain self in the mirror and realizing I look much older than my 18-year-old self is no consolation. Then comes the sense of dread. I have to make it to work, do I drive? no it's too expensive. Maybe I will because I'm too lazy to take the metro. Or maybe I won't 'cuz the guys in human resources are sure to find 10ways to deduct my salary...how to survive?

A typical work day revolves around trying to adapt with work shirkers and blame shifters and tolerance to deal with excuses and problems that aren't really my business. But pleasing people is what it takes I've learnt. You smile when you hate and you do good when you feel like killing someone. Doing good, working hard and solving people's problems gives me a sense of superiority which is calming.

People say don't let your contacts and the nature of your job (which in many situations puts me in the position of power) get to your head. After about five months I say-I never got the chance to let it get to my head. There was always someone to point out errors when I'd thought I'd done a good job, always someone to shout at me for no fault of mine, always someone whispering-don't tell that person this (In which case I would be obliged to listen to bitching from both sides and keep it to myself), always that someone telling me to do something their way when I have clear instructions of doing it my way, always someone taking credit for what I have done, or have contributed towards. But I guess that's part of being at the grass root level, guess that keeps me grounded and as much as I hate routines, it is this chaotic routine that keeps me sane.

My Jobless Reverie

A long pending list of 'Things to do' adorns my study table half torn after being caught somewhere in between, the many books I enthusiastically started reading, but abandoned midway. I wonder in amazement at the amount of free time i'v had since I got over with my post graduation. I managed a few interviews (cleared one and am waiting for the results of two others)while interspersing quite a few parties in between; only justifying my clichéd philosophy-Work hard, party harder. If appearing for interviews is counted as work then party hard I did.

I pick up the list of things I intended to do while I looked for a job. Losing weight happens to top line the list. Okay well lets skip that, that's never happening. Reading some of the author's I’ve really wanted to, in a long time but couldn't, due to time constraints is next. We all know by now what happened to that resolution. Next on my spirited list happens to be taking a break, and I’m left wondering why I added that to the list, so I cross that out, I’ve had a break too many by now. I have been driven to wit's end with nothing constructive to do all this while, waiting for interview results.

Waiting is not my forte; as optimistic I am about clearing the rest of the job interviews i'v applied for, I don't see the point behind creating an atmosphere of suspense before declaring the results of an interview. It may seem professional to say-'we will get back to you soon', but it definitely isn't professional when 'soon' implies after a week or two. And thus, thanks to weeks of waiting, my current status reads 'jobless and still searching'. Contributing to my sorry state are the inhibitions my parents have about me working at certain places and for certain remuneration. They expect me to fetch above 1,40k annually being an English Honors graduate as anything below that is demeaning and moreover a place like Noida, which is on the outskirts of Delhi, is prohibited. They state the long distance I would have to drive but I know for a fact that playing at the back of their minds is the crime rate.

Oh well, so that brings me back to the pile on my desk again. Jobless with nothing much to do to make my days seem shorter; I resolve on clearing the mess. The list has to go, making place for a new one, the books I shall finish i'm sure, being the voracious reader that I am and all of this I shall do while still lost in 'My Jobless Reverie'!